I Call It "Mr. And Mrs. Tenorman Chili"

So I'm sitting here at home on a Tuesday morning, locked in my germ infested bedroom and banned from going to work because I have strep throat.  Fail.  On the bright side, I guess that gives me some time to play catch up.  Now, don't worry, I made this on Sunday which technically speaking, was before I was diagnosed with strep throat.  So no worries... this isn't contagious.

Sundays were created for football--you wake up late, eat brunch, and then get together with your friends to drink beer, argue about football, and eat football food.

Football Food (noun): Any food, or combination of foods, most accurately classified as an appetizer (or assortment of appetizers), prepared with little to no regard for health and typically inducing near immediate food coma followed by excessive heartburn, flatulence and belching.

Sounds charming.  Why can't we make football food that tastes delicious and unhealthy, yet avoids food coma, induces only mild heartburn, flatulence and belching, and is actually good for you?  Oh we can and we will because I just did...

While Sundays are all about rivalries, one thing we can agree on is food.  Mind you, I sat in a room with four New York Giants Fans and one Jets fan watching the Jets bet the Buffalo Bills and the Patriots clumsily fall to the Giants.  And while we can't all agree on what calls were fair and what team should win, we could definitely all agree that this Sunday was delicious.   The delicious chili was healthy and hearty, and coupled with the corn bread and extremely unhealthy but also delicious nachos prepared by my friend's sister, we had ourselves a nice little collection of football food.  And look, at the end of it all, we're all still friends.
(actually this picture was taken before the games so I can't guarantee that we're all still friends...)

Just as a warning, chili needs to simmer.  It needs hours to cook in the flavors and thicken up.  We started making this chili around 11am, and ate it around 4:30pm and it was perfect.  Just keep that in mind when you're preparing this.  Additionally, this is going to make about 12 bowls of chili, so either get some friends together or get ready for some leftovers. 

what we need for this chili con carnival...

1 can chickpeas

1 can black beans

1 can red kidney beans

1 large yellow onion, chopped

6 cloves garlic, diced

3/4 bag of baby carrots, chopped

1 yellow pepper, chopped

1 red pepper, chopped

1 orange pepper, chopped

2 jalapeno peppers, chopped with seeds

1 1/2 - 2 cups tomatoes, chopped with juice reserved

2 29oz cans of plain tomato sauce 

1 lb 97% lean turkey meat

8 oz beer (can be light or dark beer)

2 tbs olive oil

2 tbs oregano

2 tbs Cajun spice

1 tbs crushed red pepper

1 tbs salt

1 tbs black pepper 

how we devise the perfect plan to destroy Scott Tenorman by creating the most delicious and devious chili of all time...

1  In a large, and I mean LARGE, pot, combine oil, onions and garlic and cook over medium high heat for about 2 minutes.  The onions should become aromatic.  Stir in 1 tbs of the Cajun spice and cook for an additional minute.

2  Add carrots, tomatoes with juice, peppers, and jalapenos and simmer over medium heat covered for about ten minutes.  

3  Now for the con carne part.  We're going to use ground turkey meat instead of Scott Tenorman's parents: one because it's healthier, leaner meat, and two because it's less diabolical.

Sorry by the way, if you've never watched/ don't like south park and have no idea what I'm talking about here.  The episode is called "Scott Tenorman Must Die" and if you're not a huge fan of South Park, I would suggest you ignore my references and avoid this episode. Especially if you're planning on making this chili.

While the vegetables are cooking and simmering together in that big old pot,  cook the turkey meat in a skillet over medium high heat.  If desired, season with a dash or oregano, salt and pepper.  Cook the meat about 3/4 of the way through, mashing repetitively to separate.  When meat is finished, remove from heat.
4  Uncover the chili and stir in the beans, and then two cans of tomato sauce.  Return heat to medium high and allow the mixture to begin to bubble.  Add meat, all of the spices, and beer and mix thoroughly.  Cover and allow to cook for about 30 minutes over medium heat, being careful not to burn the bottom on to the pan like I did).  
5  After about 20 minutes, try the chili and adjust for desired level of spiciness.  Mine came out having the perfect amount of kick--you don't want the spice to overwhelm so that you can't taste the other flavors but you also want a good spice.  If you want it spicier, add more crushed red pepper (or another jalapeno or Brazilian Rainbow peppers if you happen to have a plant laying around).  At this point, the chili should still be somewhat thin.  
6  Uncover chili and cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally.  After about an hour, the chili should thicken up.  When the chili is at desired thickness, leave uncovered and reduce heat to low.
7  When you're ready to eat, which seeing as your house will smell delicious, is probably almost immediately, serve up topped with some cheese and a side of corn bread!  Oh and some beer and football...

Why Settle For Regular Pancakes When Pumpkin Exists?

Back to that being obsessed with pumpkin.  If you've forgotten, pumpkin is the only thing that makes not summer remotely bearable to me.  Additionally, I love the breakfast/ brunch situation that the weekends tend to bring.  Thus far, I've put it in pancakes, soup, and bread so... why not breakfast?  What's she talking about?!  Well let me tell you...

Jack Johnson once declared banana pancakes the lazy morning breakfast of choice.  Now, I completely agree, banana pancakes are pretty kick ass.  But let's not be too hasty in our pancakes ratings here... Nothing cures the hangover, fills your belly, and warms you up inside more than pumpkin pancakes!  Ooey, gooey, pumpkiny pancakes.  Don't try to argue with me and tell me that chocolate chip pancakes are heaven sent because you're know they're not.  They rank right up there in lameo-land with chocolate chip muffins.  You think it's good because you feel soooo cool for eating chocolate at breakfast time.  Get a glass of chocolate milk and spare me.

What's wrong with regular pancakes?  Nothing, but if you have the chance to make something better why would you settle for less?  Why settle for regular pancakes when pumpkin exists?  So let's pumpkin-ify some pancakes and savor Saturday morning...

what you need...
2 cups Bisquick Mix
1 cup milk
2 eggs
8 - 10 oz pumpkin puree
1 tbs cinnamon sugar
1 tbs brown sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp vanilla extract 
Butter (for grilling)


what you need to do...
1  Combine Bisquick Mix, milk and eggs in large bowl until batter is no longer lumpy. 
2  Mix in pumpkin puree, cinnamon sugar, brown sugar, baking powder and vanilla extract and blend until batter is smooth.  When you stop mixing small bubbles should form at the top of the batter.  This lets you know that the batter will yield fluffy pancakes.  
3  Heat 1 tbs butter in large skillet over medium high heat.  When butter is beginning to brown slightly, the skillet should be hot enough to cook pancakes.  Using a ladle, spoon small amounts of batter onto large skillet (should be able to fit at least two, up to three small sized pancakes).  Cook until sides begin to brown, and flip once.  Continue cooking for about a minute or so, or until pancakes are cooked through.  Repeat until all pancakes are made (should make about 10 - 15 pancakes depending on size) and serve warm!

My Buona Notte As A Little Italian Grandmother

So here I was... after a long day at work, I found myself coming home only to immediately accept my role as an Italian grandma.  How had I gotten myself here?  How had I committed to preparing an entire noodle-less lasagna for seven people?  Oh that's right-- I have a blog about cooking and once people know that, there's no getting out of cooking with slash for friends.  And yes, I said noodle-less lasagna.  Preposterous!  Outrageous!  How Un-Italian you might say.  False.  What you should be saying, is wow AWESOME.  Let's cut out some of the carbohydrates and the heavy sinking feeling that settles in somewhere 3/4 of the way through your slice of lasagna.

But back to my original and far more important point... there I was, like an Italian grandma, slaving away in the kitchen.  Thankfully, I have a best friend who truly understands me and showed up with a bottiglia di vino... what would I do without you Brittany King? (Die).

So before I even describe this deliciousness, let me preface by saying, do not make this if you do not have 2 hours of time to dedicate to non-stop cooking and don't have 8 very hungry bellies to fill.  Okay, I've done my part.  Now let's make some noodle-less lasagna.  Oh how do we do this?  Easy.  We don't use noodles.  Novel.  In fact, instead, we will personally chop 5 summer squashes into 1/4 inch or less slices, bread them with flour, egg and seasonings, fry them in canola oil, and layer them into a gigantic lasagna!  What could sound funner?  Nothing.

what you need...
for the sauce...
1 large can (32 oz) of plain tomato sauce [this is NOT prego, this is not hunt's meat flavored red juice, this is just plain old "tomato sauce".  We're not going to cheat here with store bought sauce but at the same time I'm not spending my life boiling down tomatoes to make sauce from super scratch!  We've got 2 hours of work ahead of us as it is...]
3 cloves fresh garlic, minced
5 fresh basil leaves, chopped
1/2 white (or red) onion, diced
1 tbs olive oil
a dash of red wine (optional)
Salt and Pepper to taste

for the fried zucchini/ summer squash...
5 healthy sized (yup, I just went there) summer squashes or zucchinis
8 Eggs
3 - 4 cups flour
1 tsp salt
2 tsp pepper
1 tbs oregano
1 tbs dried basil
1 cup grated Parmesan cheese (optional)
3 cups canola/ vegetable oil for frying


for the ricotta filling...
1 large container (32 oz) ricotta cheese
2 eggs
1 tbs dried oregano
1 tbs dried basil
1 tsp salt
Pepper to taste

2 1/2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese (for layering)

woah that's a lot of stuff... now what?
1  Prepare the sauce.  The longer the sauce simmers, the better the flavor will cook in.  To make the sauce, add garlic, oil and onion to a large pot and cook over medium high heat until onion and garlic become fragrant.  Add wine and basil and cook for another minute or so.  Add tomato sauce, salt and pepper (and any other spices you deem worthy or necessary) and stir well.  Allow sauce to cook over medium high heat until it begins bubbling.  Reduce heat to low and simmer, covered for as long as your heart desires.
2  Now that the sauce is simmering, let's make the fired zucchini, or as in this case, summer squash.  Begin by slicing the ends off of the squashes and then slicing them length wise into 1/4 inch thick or less slices.  Try your super hardest not to cut your whole fingers off or chop your kitten up by accident (this was the hardest part for me).

3  Once you've sliced up all the summer squash and assuming you still have all your fingers, it's time to coat the slices.  In a large bowl, beat the eggs until well blended and set aside.  On a large plate combine flour, salt, pepper, Parmesan cheese, oregano and basil.  To coat, dip each slice of summer squash in the flour mixture, lightly coating both sides.  Dip each side of each slice in egg, and re-coat each side with flour mixture.  Set aside for frying (or fry immediately if you have help)

4  To fry, heat canola oil over medium high heat until oil crackles loudly when water hits.  Place the slices in oil and fry, rotating often, until both sides appear dark golden brown.  Strain on paper towel and set aside.   

5  Prepare ricotta filling by combining all ingredients in a large mixing bowl.  

6  What has layers?  Onions, parfaits, and lasagnas so let's get ready to layerrrrr.  Start by spreading a tiny bit of sauce over the bottom of a 9 x 13 x 2 inch baking pan (this will act to eradicate that pesky stickage business).  Lay the fried slices of summer squash down to completely cover the sauce--they should be slightly overlapping.  Top with sauce then ricotta mixture then more sauce then mozzarella then more summer squash.  And thennnn, repeat until you've filled up your pan and finish the top with sauce, mozzarella cheese and fresh basil. 

7  Bake for around 45 minutes at 400 degrees, or until sides are slightly bubbling and top has become golden brown.  Wait for it to cool before you slice it otherwise you won't be able to get an awesome nice picture of all of the layers like this guy:

Oh and be sure to drink plenty of wine before, during and after this.  It's pretty tedious and exhausting so you'll at least need one bottle to stay well hydrated during this marathon of cooking.

And that's about all that this little Italian grandma has to say about that...

Bread For Dead People!

So as most of you obviously don't know, November 1st and 2nd mark El Dia De Los Muertos, which, despite popular belief, is completely and entirely different than Halloween.  Okay not entirely.   History lesson: El Dia De Los Muertos (The Day of the Dead) is actually dos dias during which people belonging to the Spanish culture celebrate their loved ones who have passed on (that's a fancy way of saying die) by adorning their graves with flowers and constructing alters bearing offerings for their ancestors (offrendas).  Welcome to 8th grade Spanish class.

Now, because I love the Spanish culture (it kicks ass) and consider myself part Puerto Rican (I'm not), I find myself constantly excited to celebrate this way-better-than-Halloween holiday.  This year, my classroom celebrated with a short lesson by your truly about the holiday followed by a cooking project.  Obviously, we had to cook.  We made spooky masks and learned about the offerings made to the muertos, one such being Pan de los Muertos (The Bread of the Dead).  Sounds delicious right?

The kids loved this activity and making the spooky masks, so I surmise that this cooking project is perfect to do with the kids at home!  It is not only an excellent way to be involved in a cooking project, but also a way to explore a different culture.  And since I know all of you have kids...

what you need...
For the Bread:
2 cups Bisquick mix
2 tbs sugar
1 egg
[Up to] 2/3 cup of milk
10 drops Vanilla Extract 


For the Topping:
1/3 cup brown sugar
1 tbs flour
1 tbs melted butter
1 tsp cinnamon

what you need to do:
1  Preheat oven to 400 degrees and lightly grease a cookie sheet.
2  Mix all of the ingredients for bread together in a large mixing bowl, omitting the milk.  Gradually add the milk, stirring in, until the mixture becomes doughy but not too sticky.  You should be able to work with the dough without it completely sticking to everything, but this dough will not be mold-able.  
3  Add small amounts of dough to cookie sheet, spreading out about 1/2 an inch between each individual piece of bread.  Each one should be about 1 inch in diameter.  
4  Combine all of the topping ingredients in a smaller mixing bowl.  This part will be messy.  Sprinkle a small amount of topping on each dough and lightly press in so that topping is not able to simply roll off. 
5  Bake in the oven for 10 - 15 minutes and get ready to feed some bread to some dead people!  Naw that's gross.  Just eat it yourself... with your living friends.

Feliz Dia De Los Muertos!

[Insert Unclever Joke About Balls Here]

Question, how is this a real thing: cake, frosting and chocolate coating rolled into a ball sitting atop a lollipop stick bouncing around smiling at you.  Getting the warm feeling yet?  Who thought of this cake pop business?  Because this sure isn't what the inventor of cake had in mind... This is asinine.  Naturally, we have to try it.

So as previously discussed, I work with children.  And from time to time I get moderately inspired to do nice things for them.  It's strange, I know.  With Halloween coming up, and a parade/ party to get ready for, I decided I would give cake pops a try.  These little guys are hilarious, very fun to make, and inspire a plethora of balls jokes, so be ready for that one.  And by be ready I mean, don't overestimate the maturity of three 22 year old boys because you're setting yourself up for failure.  Let's see:

Kimi can I pop one of your balls into my mouth?
Check out Kimi's schweddy balls!
Kimi, where are you going to keep your balls?
Oh my god, you're balls are so delicious 

It's like a regular SNL skit up in here.  Very clever guys.
But silly ball puns aside, let's ball...

what you need...
1 box of vanilla cake mix (I used Halloween Funfetti)
   Also you will obviously need the ingredients to create the cake
1/2 container of vanilla frosting
1 package of lollipop sticks
2 packages of vanilla flavored white candy melts
Edible Markers (optional)

what you do with all these crafty things...
1 Prepare the cake following the directions on the box.  When the cake is finished, allow to cool thoroughly or else you're going to burn your hands.  If you wanna be impatient and ignore me, that's fine, they're your hands not mine...
2  Once the cake has cooled, transfer it into a large mixing bowl, breaking it up as you do so.  Continue to break up the cake until it has become a big bowl full of crumbs--this probably won't look or seem appetizing.  Add 1/2 can (about 8 oz) of frosting to crumbs and using your hands, mix in thoroughly.  This will create a somewhat doughy mess, similar to cookie dough texture but less sticky.  
3  Line a large cooking sheet with nonstick aluminum foil (which yes does exist and I thank Lucas Parker for this discovery) or wax paper and clear out a bunch of space in your freezer.  Enough space in fact, to fit that very cookie sheet.  Grabbing small amounts at a time, roll the cake frosting mixture into small balls--these can be sized to your preference.  Mine were fairly big, about 1 inch in diameter but if smaller balls is what you're into, keep 'em smaller! (Yes, that conversation really just happened.)  Place balls on cookie sheet and freeze for a minimum of 4 hours (overnight if you have that kind of patience but naturally, I don't).
4  When ready to start dipping, melt the candy melts following the directions on the package (I used microwave method).  To coat, dip the end of a lollipop stick into the melted candy coating and then press it firmly into the ball.  The stick should go at least 3/4 of the way into this great ball of cake.  Then, dip the entire ball into the candy coating and hold upside down to drain excess.  To dry, these must be standing up.  I used a Styrofoam block that I purchased at a craft store as a base for drying.  When dry, decorate accordingly.  That's it!  Easy as... cake?

Note: as the balls warm up, they will get harder to work with (oh boy...).  You may need to refreeze for a few minutes half way through. 

Beer Me That Mac and Cheese

I love beer.  It's perfect, flawless, beautiful.  It's gorgeous golden glow (or dark brown hue), it's fragrant full bodied aroma, it's remarkable fun flavor with it's subtle carbonation.  Perfection.  Thanks god.  There's absolutely nothing I want more in life than to drink beer, always.  Especially with Mac and Cheese.  Especially in Mac and Cheese.  YES, let's do it... let's pour beer in our Mac and Cheese.

No I'm not joking.  Thanks to I breathe therefore I am...hungry for the inspiration for very interesting take on my favorite comfort food.  I changed a few things and would change a few things next time, but this was a unique meal that I highly recommend for one of these 5,000 unbearably cold winter nights we're attempting to endure.

what you need...
1 lb Rotini pasta
1 cup unseasoned panko bread crumbs
2 1/2 cups 2% milk
2 tbs butter
4 tbs flour
1 yellow onion (diced)
1 clove garlic, minced
3/4 cup pumpkin puree
1/2 of a pumpkin ale or brown ale (I used Sierra Nevada Autumn Brown Ale)
8 oz grated Manchego Cheese (now see, I used this and didn't love the flavor and found myself needing 
   more cheesiness so instead I would suggest trying 8 oz grated sharp cheddar and 4 oz Gruyere cheese)
Salt and Pepper to taste

what should we do with all these crazy ingredients that don't seem to go together?
1  Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Prepare pasta following directions on package.  Strain and set aside.
2  Chop uncooked bacon into small pieces and add to a deep skillet.  Cook over medium heat for 1 - 2 minutes, or until bacon is beginning to crisp.  Add panko crumbs to bacon and saute over medium heat for 3 - 5 minutes, or until panko crumbs appear golden brown and bacon is crisp.  Strain onto paper towel and set aside.  Wipe pan clean and return to heat, adding the butter.
3  Once butter has completely melted, add garlic and onions to pan and cook for about 2 minutes.  Whisk in flour and increase heat, continuously stirring.  Slowly add milk salt and pepper and bring to a boil, continuously whisking.  At this point, not only should your hand be real hot and your arm be mildly tired, but your sauce should be becoming thick.  Once sauce is thick add pumpkin and beer, stirring until smooth.  Add cheese and mix until cheese has melted.  
4  Add strained pasta to skillet with sauce and mix until all pasta is coated.  Transfer pasta and cheese mixture into a 9 x 13 oven safe glass dish.  Spread panko and bacon mixture over pasta, being sure to completely cover the top.  
5  Bake for 15 minutes and get ready to be warm and cozy.  Suffer from how delicious this will make your apartment, oh sorry, house smell and drink a beer.  

Awww look how artistic I can be!  And yes, that brocolini was for show. 

And that my friends, is how we add beer to our mac and cheese...

Tostones: Slap Some Oil On Those Bananas And Let's Have Some Fun... that's what she said

It's true.  Plantains taste exactly like bananas!  They not only have the same flavor, but the same texture.  I swear, take a bite... yum.  And even better, they peel easier than bananas!  PERFECT!

False.  Plantains taste like cardboard, have the texture of Styrofoam, and take way too much effort to peel.  So naturally, we should cook with them!  Why?  Because they cost 25 cents and I know how to make them taste delicious.  As does Puerto Rico.  And the Dominican.

How do we make them delicious you ask?  I see your question and I answer it with yet another question:  How do we make anything delicious?  We fry it!  Twice!  Let's get to it and double fry some bananas!

what we need...
2 plantains
Vegetable Oil (for frying)
Salt

how we use these things to make the banana's yucky, bland, and boring cousin fun and yummy...
1  In a skillet, heat vegetable oil over medium high heat.  Oil should be about an inch deep in the pan. 
2  While the oil is heating, peel the plantains by cutting through the skin from the top of the plantain to the bottom and chopping off both ends.  Peel away skin and chop the plantains, at an angle, into inch and a half chunks.  So that was a terrible description, and I'm sure you're confused as hell, so I'll show you a picture instead...
3  When the oil is hot, add the chunks of banana and fry, rotating often, until the plantains turn golden brown.  Remove them from the oil promptly (oooo fancy words) and strain on paper towel.  While the are still hot, use the bottom of a glass to mass each banana.  Rotating the cup clockwise, press down firmly until each piece of plantain becomes flattened, like a pancake.  Sprinkle each pancake with salt and add back to the hot oil.  
4  Fry each plantain piece, flipping once, for 1 - 2 minutes on each side, or until each piece becomes crisp and deep golden brown.  Remove from oil, strain and sprinkle with salt.  Serve immediately (or place on baking sheet in the oven at 350 to keep warm) with ketchup, siracha sauce, or tobasco sauce!  These go awesome with tacos, quesadillas, guacamole or cajun chicken.  


These, by the way, are called Tostones (it's Spanish so say it with a fancy Spanish accent).  They are absolutely amazing, superbly addictive, and cost 50 cents to make so I'm not positive why you're not making them yet...

Tacos Tacos Tacos... Dan Came Up With This So That's Why It's Lame

Now... let's make some tacos to go with those tostones that you better have made by now.  How do you feel about cajun chicken tacos cause I'm feeling great about them so let's go.

Now, I want to preface with a couple of quick notes.  First and foremost, chicken is most certainly the "settle for" protein portal.  No one wakes up in the morning and says, "Oh my god, I love pan seared chicken.  It's so flavorful and interesting."  Nope.  But slap some seasonings on there and now we're up to something good.  Now we can settle for chicken.  I wanted to use blackened Mahi Mahi.  It turns out Mahi Mahi is neither cheap nor attainable and so, alas, we'll settle for chicken.  Secondly, you're not going to believe me about the sauce but you need to believe me about the sauce.  It makes all the difference.  Okay, enough talk, let's look at a picture of these delicious tacos and then start eating...

what you need...

For the tacos:

2 - 3 pieces of thin sliced chicken (depending on how hungry you are)

4 - 6 small flour tortillas (depending on how many pieces of chicken you deem necessary)

1/2 bag of iceberg lettuce

1/2 red onion

1 avocado

10 - 15 Cherry tomatoes

1 lime

Shredded pepper jack cheese

Cajun seasoning 

1 tbs olive oil

Newman's Own peach salsa (yes this is a real thing, and yes, this is product placement)

For the sauce:

1/4 cup Siracha Sauce

1/3 cup mayonnaise

Pepper 

what you need to do...
1  In a medium skillet, heat olive oil over medium high heat.  Season chicken by rubbing cajun seasoning into chicken.  Sear in skillet until chicken is cooked through or else you're going to get real sick.  Just saying.
2  Chop up all ya veggies.  Cube the avocado, halve the tomatoes, slice and separate the red onion, cut the lime, and chop the lettuce into small strips.  Yup, this part sucks, so I will once again provide you with a picture of chopped vegetables to get you through the seemingly-never-ending process of chopping.  

3  To prepare the sauce, combine all ingredients and mix.  Add more or less Siracha until sauce is to desired spiciness.  Naturally, I like things on the spicy side so maybe start out gradually and work your way up with this one.  
4  BYOT! (build your own taco, duh).  

Because We Haven't Quite Had Enough Kielbasa Yet...

If you don't like kielbasa, I'm so sorry.  It must have become very clear to you that I do, and that our relationship isn't going to work you.  It's not me, it's you.

BUT if you do like kielbasa then let's make it one more time just for the hell of it.  So let's recap.  Thus far we've gone to Italia and traveled to the deep south.  So clearly our next stop should be China/ Japan.  Okay, I admit it, this meal has very little to do with China or Japan and certainly doesn't fit in with my Chinese style dishes but, it does use Udon noodles and those are pretty Asian if you ask me.

This recipe was actually inspired by a party dish my mom often prepares for holidays and family gatherings.  With my love for kielbasa, naturally, her sweet and sour kielbasa became one of my favorite hors d'oeuvres.  Shout out to momma lasalle for creating something so inspiring.  But now that I'm all grown up and capable of using knives (some days), stoves and glass bottles, I've found a way to add a little kick to an old recipe! Behold:

Sweet and Sour Kielbasa Stirfry!

And you won't believe what's in it...

1/2 link of turkey kielbasa (feel free to use an entire link, I just only had 1/2 left)

1 red pepper (chopped into larger cubes)

1/2 yellow pepper (also chopped into cubes)

10 - 15 cubes of pineapple (you can buy rings prepackaged and chop)

2 7oz. packages of Udon noodles

1 12oz. jar of Heinz Chili Sauce (not cocktail sauce)

1 12oz. jar of Smuckers Grape Jelly

1 tbs crushed red pepper

1 tbs pineapple juice

2 tbs Thai Chili Garlic paste (optional)

and this is how we do it...

1  Do all that ridiculous chopping (as pictured above).  In a large, deep skillet, combine peppers, pineapple and kielbasa and saute over high heat to cook in flavors (about 5 - 10 minutes).  

2  Add bottle of Chili sauce, jar of grape jelly, crushed red pepper, pineapple juice and Thai Chili Garlic paste.  Stir well.  

NOTE:  This will not look appetizing at first.  The jelly will be all globby and gross looking but don't fear, it will soon melt in with the rest of the more liquidy ingredients and form a delicious sauce

3  Cover and allow the sauce to thicken and flavors to cook in for at least 25 minutes.  
4   While sauce is simmering, cook noodles according to directions on package and strain.  If desired, you can saute the noodles on a pan to add a little crisp.  Serve kielbasa stir fry over noodles.

This will serve two with some left overs.  Feel free to split it three ways if you use an entire link of kielbasa!  And that my friends, concludes the ways in which I have discovered to creatively prepare kielbasa using only a stove top!  Perhaps next week I will discover some other crazy way to prepare this amazing mystery meat...

So This What Happens When You're Famous

So imagine this scenario-- I woke up early this morning after a restless night of overheating, loud noises from my heater, and bad dreams.  As you can imagine, on this particular morning, I feel terrible, as I've been fighting a cold for nearly three weeks now and a restless evening certainly doesn't help.  After tripping three times on my way to work, watching the green line pull out of the station as I walked in, and freezing my [expletive] face off because apparently it's winter already, I arrive at work.  Before taking but three steps into our "cloffice" (yes that is exactly what it sounds like, a closet-office, very homey as you might imagine), I hear my co-worker Brooke exclaim, "I have a surprise for you!".  Is it that I get to go home from work right now?  Is it free money?  Is it summer?

Now, if you will recall, Brooke has previously had a cameo appearance in my blog as a naysayer to my ideas, specifically my buffalo macaroni and cheese.  But what I had previously forgot to mention was that Brooke rocks pretty hard: in the kitchen, in the classroom, and in the bedroom.  I made that last one up, I would have no idea, but that doesn't make it untrue...  Moving right along, I find myself most often consulting Brooke with advice for recipes and discussing my previous night's cooking adventures.  We can often be found spontaneously throwing together a baking/ cooking project with the kids, and have made well over 10 batches of scones since my return to work in July.  No shame in that.

I'm awful at staying on tract-- my surprise was homemade pumpkin and coconut soup and it was absolutely remarkable.  You may remember my previous discussion of my absolutely LOVE for pumpkin.  Couple that with my feeling approximately twelve feet under the freezing cold and dreary weather and we've found ourselves the perfect surprise luncheon!

If you are interested in this recipe, Brooke found it here, yet prepared it with some notable changes to the recipe!  The following [improvements] were made to this recipe, culminating in an amazing, flavorful lunchtime.   These changes were mainly to the ingredients and are as follows:

Roasted Red Kuri Pumpkin & Coconut Soup
serves 6 as a main course

4 to 4 1/2 pounds red Kuri squash * (See Note)  One Pie Pumpkin
2 tablespoons vegetable oil or butter  Olive Oil
4 2 cloves garlic
4 small shallots  1 yellow onion
1 tablespoon fresh grated ginger, from a 3-inch long piece
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 teaspoon curry powder
1 dried red chili, about 2 inches long  Red Pepper Flakes
One 13.5 ounce  1/2 can light coconut milk
4 cups chicken or vegetable broth
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
Juice of 1 lime, about 2 tablespoons  Lemon Juice

And for the topping:  Roasted Pumpkin Seeds! (yeah it doesn't get much better than that)

Goodbye boring oatmeal/ banana, hello delicious pumpkin soup!  Thanks so much to Brooke for finding, preparing and sharing this absolutely delicious recipe!  AND congratulations on your upcoming wedding! :
)  I wonder what surprises tomorrow will bring......

A Very Quick Meal to End a Very Loooong Day

In case you were interested, I work at a daycare.  In case you don't know what that is like, it is like playing academically oriented mommy to 18 three and a half year olds every day.  It's the best and I love it.  But let me tell you something about working at a daycare-- it can be exhausting.  Let's look at an example of my day to day responsibilities.  This week at work I engaged in the following activities:

-  Played tag
-  Cleaned up throw ups
-  Watched a three year old poop
-  Listened to Club Can't Handle Me Kids Bop version on 6 separate occasions
-  Drew two pumpkins, one spider, and 348 butterflies
-  Listened to a 30 year old man, whose name we will change to Teddy for the purpose of this post, read the same book 15 times
-  Caught a cold
-  Ate Indian food

So as you can clearly see, my week has been largely exhausting.  And there's truly nothing I want more at the end of the day than to come home and relax.  By 5 pm on any given week day, I'm hungry, tired, sick, and usually grossed out.  And then there's dinner to worry about.  I love cooking, as you can probably assess based on this food blog, but some days, I don't want to wait for my garlic to roast.  I want something I can whip up in eight minutes or less.

So since this blog is all about quick cheap meals, let's get away from the whole roasting garlic, caramelizing onions, and waiting for casseroles to bake thing and get quick.  Question.  What quicker than a meal that takes 8 minutes?  Fact... anything that takes 7 minutes or less.   BUT, all of that aside, being able to whip up a meal for two with only three ingredients, in eight minutes or less for around 12 dollars total, is pretty kick ass.  Especially when it involves kielbasa and looks like this:

yes, this is seriously all that we need...
1 package frozen tortellini (we used Shaw's brand because it's the cheapest and personally, I think it's way
       better than the packaged Barilla business)
3/4 small container of Buitoni All Natural Pesto with Basil
1/2 link of Hillshire Farms Turkey Polska Kielbasa 


what we need to do with these three things...
1  Boil water for pasta and cook tortellini.  It has thus far been MY personal experience that packages of tortellini tell you to boil them for 10 minutes, however, I find this to be lies.  Cook the tortellini until most of them are floating (about 4 -5 minutes) and strain.  Return to pot.
2  While the pasta is boiling, cut the Kielbasa into slices and cook on skillet over medium high until both sides of kielbasa are browning!  And since that was the worst description ever, let's look at a picture:
3  Combine cooked kielbasa and tortellini pot and toss with the pesto.  If desired, add more pesto and top with black pepper.   






Yes, it was that easy.  Yes, it was that cheap.  Yes, it was that filling.  Oh and last thing, yes, it was that delicious...


Just a side note and a shout out to my awesome preschoolers and teachers.  On Tuesday, we celebrated one of my co-workers' birthdays.  As we are learning about the letter "D" this week and preparing for all the spookiness of Halloween, we prepared Dirt Cake for her together!  Check it out below-- thanks to Aileen and her ipod, "oh I'm sorry it's an iphone", for this awesome photo!

Thumbs up to being three and a half again!

Crispy Sandwiches Call For Crispy Sweet Potato Fries

It's time to talk about panini's, also known as the best ever food, ever.  Seriously though, what did the world do before the person who decided pressing that boring soggy sandwich they were eating was a good idea.  Did people really eat regular sandwiches?  Impossible.  I literally turn any sandwich I make into a panini.  Turkey and cheese, press it.  Vegetable and hummus, press it.  Fresh tomato, basil and mozzarella, press it.  Honestly, if I ate peanut butter and jelly/ fluff, I would press it.

Why you ask?  Oh really, tell me a hot, crunchy, cheesy sandwich doesn't sound amazing.  If that doesn't sound good to you, I have no answers for you.  You have a long, sad, lonely life ahead of you plagued by cold deli meat atop soggy, flavorless bread.  I feel for you.

I press anything and everything I can, and despite my sincere passion for panini-ing things, I coincidentally don't own a panini press.   How does she do it?!  I mean, I own pans so...

Another of the best things in the world, sweet potato fries.  Remember that extensive conversation we had about how much better sweet potatoes really are?  I'm serious about this.  I can't pass these puppies up, regardless of what menu I see them on.  I would get these if I saw them right up there next to Pho on a Vietnamese menu.  Sweet potato fries are awesome, and quite frankly, leave boring potato fries in the dust.  Not only are they more delicious but, if you follow the oven cooking school of thought, they are a thousand times healthier than those grease soaked, flour covered, potato sticks.  However, if you've ever tried making sweet potato fries, you know they can be tricky little guys--they're hard to get the perfect amount of crispy while also becoming the perfect amount of soft inside.

So what are we getting at here?  The perfect meal for a cool fall night.  Pesto Chicken, Tomato and Mozzarella Paninis with a side of Sweet Potato Fries!  Boom, roasted.  A couple of important disclaimers:

• Bread matters!  I'm about to tell you to use bakery fresh bread.  And you're about to ignore me, buy wonder bread, and ask me what's so special about this sandwich.  Save yourself the trouble and skip over this if you're not ready to buy bread from the bakery section of your supermarket (or local bread store) and want to keep it simple in the plastic-wrapped-all-things-that-have-yeast-in-them-mess of a "bread" aisle.  My recommendations:
• from grocery store bakery: Rosemary Olive Oil Bread by Culinary Circle
• from Panera:  Tomato Basil Loaf (sliced thick, 3/4 inch)
• Don't cut the time on the sweet potato fries.  They will be soggy and they will be greasy.  Or, you'll try to broil them too quickly, and you will have raw potatoes with black on the outside.  Yum.

Okay, now that that's out of the way, let's get going.

for the fries...
1 sweet potato
1 - 2 tbs olive oil
Garlic Salt
Salt (optional)
Rosemary
Black Pepper


how we do it...
1 Preheat the oven to 450 degrees.
2  Chop the sweet potato half, and then halve those halves.  Cut those halved halves into 1/4 inch thick strips, lay them on their sides, and cut those strips into two or three small strips.  They should start looking like french fries now.  Note that you don't have to skin the potato.  It's totally based on preference here.
3  Once the potato has been entirely chopped into strips, place on baking sheet, and drizzle with olive oil.  Toss so that all of the fries are coated.  Season with garlic salt, rosemary and black pepper.  I don't want to get to specific on how much here as it really is to your taste--I'm not a huge fan of salt so I went easy on the garlic salt, omitted regular salt, doused them in rosemary and gave them a healthy serving of black pepper.  
4  Roast in oven for 25 minutes, turn and roast for another 15 minutes, or until the fries are crispy.  If the fries are still not to your desired crispiness after this additional 15 minutes, crisp under broiler on high for 1 - 2 minutes on each side, turning once.  When done, strain on paper towel and keep warm in oven on 250 degrees until ready to serve.


and for the panini...
1 piece of thin sliced chicken
2 pieces of bakery fresh bread (used Tomato Basil Bread from Panera)
3 slices of fresh mozzarella (from mozzarella ball)
3 slices medium sized tomato (globe tomatoes)
2 tbs pesto (homemade or store bought Barilla)
1 tbs butter
1 tbs olive oil
Dried Basil
Black pepper

Fresh Basil (optional)
Garlic Salt (optional)


how we do it...
1  Season the chicken with dried basil and black pepper (also garlic salt if you decide to use).  Cook chicken all the way through and strain on paper towel.  Slice thin to fit bread being used.  
2  Spread 1 tbs pesto on each slice of bread and build your sandwich.  Mozzarella first, tomato, basil (optional), chicken and close with other slice of bread, pesto side down.  Now let's do the impossible and press this bad boy without a panini press!
3  Melt a tablespoon of butter in a pan over medium high.  When butter is bubbling, carefully move your sandwich into the pan.  Using a spatula, firmly, but not too firmly, press your panini for 10 - 15 seconds.  Repeat this process until underside looks browned/ toasted.  Flip panini (you might need an additional spatula depending on how much you load into your panini), and again, press the panini for 10 - 15 seconds. Cover the panini at this point and cook until cheese is beginning to melt.  Be sure to check that the underside isn't burning.  If bottom is crisping too much, flip and recover repeatedly.  When both sides are browned to your preference, remove from skillet, slice, and enjoy!


Like I said, paninis are amazing.   Especially homemade ones.   So there Panera, I just used your own bread to out-panini you. What about it.

When A Brownie Dates A Cookie And Makes A Baby

AND NOW FOR DESSERT!
I wasn't going to post this up here, but my friends said I should.  This dessert is quick and easy to make--literally it's not even a recipe, but just a meeting and love affair between two delicious boxed desserts.  I love baking for other people and this was popular tonight so here it is... The Cookie Brownie.  About time right.  And yes, it's really this easy.

what you need...
1 Box Ghirardeli Double Fudge Brownie Mix
1 Package of Tollhouse Break and Bake Cookies

what you need to do...
1  Preheat oven to 325 degrees. 
2  Prepare brownie mix according to directions on the back of the box.  Grease a medium sized muffin tin and transfer the brownie batter evenly into twelve of the cups.  
3  Break up the cookie dough and drop over the top of the brownie batter.  You will need about 8 of the cookie squares for this.  
4  Bake for 35 minutes at 325 degrees.  Allow to cool and then remove from muffin pan using a sharp knife to break free the edges of the brownies.  SO DELICIOUS AND SO EASY!

How's A Little Italian-Indian Fusion To Shake Up You're Beloved Pizza, New York...

I love pizza, sometimes.  I'm not talking about the New York vs. The World pizza (yep New York, we all know you and your "pie"s think you are better than everywhere else).  I'm not talking about the thin, flavorless, greasy, hot cardboard that you get post-2am, pre-6am.  I'm not talking about slapping some red sauce and crappy "four cheese" blend onto frozen pre-made dough.  Alright, so I guess I don't really LOVE pizza, but I like it enough... when it's fancy and unique and fun to eat.

And THAT is why we are about to whip up some Naan Pizzas.  Yup, you heard me right... Naan.  Am I be the first to have created the Italian Indian Fusion Cuisine?!  Probably not, but that would be pretty kick ass.  Talking about portion control, these are perfect as personal pizzas.

DISCLAIMER:  THESE WILL LEAVE YOU WANTING MORE EVEN AFTER YOU'RE FULL AND BECAUSE THEY ARE THAT DELICIOUS.  DON'T GIVE IN.  YOU WILL EXPLODE AND DIE.  TRUST ME, YOU WILL.

And for you vegetarians out there (or just for all you fungus lovers), these are quickly and easily converted by replacing the sausage with portabella mushrooms.  Recipe below serves two! Alright let's get to this...

what you need...
2 links Sweet Italian Sausage OR Sliced Portabella Mushrooms
1 Yellow Onion, in slices (NOT chopped)
6 cloves Roasted Garlic 
2 Pieces of Garlic Naan or Original Naan (I use Culinary Circle)
1 cup Shredded Mozzarella Cheese
4 tbs Fat Free Ricotta Cheese
2 tbs Sugar
1 tbs Butter
6 Sage Leaves
Rosemary
Pepper

how you do it...
1  Preheat oven to 400 degrees.  Weird, it's like we always seem to be preheating the oven these days... (and yup that's a preheated oven over there in case you were wondering)
2  If you haven't roasted the garlic, I would suggest doing it now.  It takes about 40 minutes to roast a head of garlic.  If you've already forgotten, directions on how to roast garlic can be found here.  If you already have your garlic roasted, ignore step two and skip to step three. 
3  Alright, so here we are with a preheated oven and a head of roasted garlic.  So let's caramelize some onions!  Melt 1 tbs butter in a skillet over medium high heat.  Notice here that we are going to speed caramelize the shit out of these onions because, I don't know about you, but I don't have an hour and a half to sit around and slow cook onions.  When butter is bubbling, add yellow onion and sprinkle with sugar.  Cook over medium heat until onions appear golden brown.  Taste and add more sugar to your desired taste.

NOTE: ONIONS ARE APPARENTLY REAL HARD TO CARAMELIZE.  ASK DAN.  CAREFUL WITH THIS PART, IT'S NOT AS EASY AS IT SEEMS... (DON'T SAY I DIDN'T TELL YOU SO).  ALSO, START OVER WHEN YOU SCREW UP, BECAUSE THESE ARE  IMPORTANT TO THE FLAVOR.

4  Okay!  Let's cook some sausage (or portabella mushrooms).  If we're using sausage, slice sausage, and heat in skillet over medium high heat until all sides are crisped and sausage is mostly cooked through.  You don't need oil to cook the sausage, it has plenty of fats and oils that will cook out to keep it from cooking.  *If you are cooking mushrooms, you will need an additional tablespoon of oil.  Cook the mushrooms over medium high heat for 1-2 minutes on each side.  
5  Alright let's put this thing together!  Take your Naans and spread three cloves of roasted garlic over each.  If you want it more garlicy, I'll give you three guesses as to what to do.  Add the caramelized onions, sausage/ mushrooms, and mozzarella cheese to the pizzas.  Add ricotta cheese by spreading out small dollops around each pizza.  season with 3 sage leaves per pizza, rosemary and black pepper.  
6  Cook in oven at 400 degrees for 10 minutes (or until the cheese appears melted and the sides of the Naan are beginning to brown).  Switch oven to broil and broil on high for 1-2 minutes or until the ricotta cheese on top begins to brown.  Slice and serve!

Not a great picture but it was too delicious to look at, take pictures of, and not eat...