I Call It "Mr. And Mrs. Tenorman Chili"

So I'm sitting here at home on a Tuesday morning, locked in my germ infested bedroom and banned from going to work because I have strep throat.  Fail.  On the bright side, I guess that gives me some time to play catch up.  Now, don't worry, I made this on Sunday which technically speaking, was before I was diagnosed with strep throat.  So no worries... this isn't contagious.

Sundays were created for football--you wake up late, eat brunch, and then get together with your friends to drink beer, argue about football, and eat football food.

Football Food (noun): Any food, or combination of foods, most accurately classified as an appetizer (or assortment of appetizers), prepared with little to no regard for health and typically inducing near immediate food coma followed by excessive heartburn, flatulence and belching.

Sounds charming.  Why can't we make football food that tastes delicious and unhealthy, yet avoids food coma, induces only mild heartburn, flatulence and belching, and is actually good for you?  Oh we can and we will because I just did...

While Sundays are all about rivalries, one thing we can agree on is food.  Mind you, I sat in a room with four New York Giants Fans and one Jets fan watching the Jets bet the Buffalo Bills and the Patriots clumsily fall to the Giants.  And while we can't all agree on what calls were fair and what team should win, we could definitely all agree that this Sunday was delicious.   The delicious chili was healthy and hearty, and coupled with the corn bread and extremely unhealthy but also delicious nachos prepared by my friend's sister, we had ourselves a nice little collection of football food.  And look, at the end of it all, we're all still friends.
(actually this picture was taken before the games so I can't guarantee that we're all still friends...)

Just as a warning, chili needs to simmer.  It needs hours to cook in the flavors and thicken up.  We started making this chili around 11am, and ate it around 4:30pm and it was perfect.  Just keep that in mind when you're preparing this.  Additionally, this is going to make about 12 bowls of chili, so either get some friends together or get ready for some leftovers. 

what we need for this chili con carnival...

1 can chickpeas

1 can black beans

1 can red kidney beans

1 large yellow onion, chopped

6 cloves garlic, diced

3/4 bag of baby carrots, chopped

1 yellow pepper, chopped

1 red pepper, chopped

1 orange pepper, chopped

2 jalapeno peppers, chopped with seeds

1 1/2 - 2 cups tomatoes, chopped with juice reserved

2 29oz cans of plain tomato sauce 

1 lb 97% lean turkey meat

8 oz beer (can be light or dark beer)

2 tbs olive oil

2 tbs oregano

2 tbs Cajun spice

1 tbs crushed red pepper

1 tbs salt

1 tbs black pepper 

how we devise the perfect plan to destroy Scott Tenorman by creating the most delicious and devious chili of all time...

1  In a large, and I mean LARGE, pot, combine oil, onions and garlic and cook over medium high heat for about 2 minutes.  The onions should become aromatic.  Stir in 1 tbs of the Cajun spice and cook for an additional minute.

2  Add carrots, tomatoes with juice, peppers, and jalapenos and simmer over medium heat covered for about ten minutes.  

3  Now for the con carne part.  We're going to use ground turkey meat instead of Scott Tenorman's parents: one because it's healthier, leaner meat, and two because it's less diabolical.

Sorry by the way, if you've never watched/ don't like south park and have no idea what I'm talking about here.  The episode is called "Scott Tenorman Must Die" and if you're not a huge fan of South Park, I would suggest you ignore my references and avoid this episode. Especially if you're planning on making this chili.

While the vegetables are cooking and simmering together in that big old pot,  cook the turkey meat in a skillet over medium high heat.  If desired, season with a dash or oregano, salt and pepper.  Cook the meat about 3/4 of the way through, mashing repetitively to separate.  When meat is finished, remove from heat.
4  Uncover the chili and stir in the beans, and then two cans of tomato sauce.  Return heat to medium high and allow the mixture to begin to bubble.  Add meat, all of the spices, and beer and mix thoroughly.  Cover and allow to cook for about 30 minutes over medium heat, being careful not to burn the bottom on to the pan like I did).  
5  After about 20 minutes, try the chili and adjust for desired level of spiciness.  Mine came out having the perfect amount of kick--you don't want the spice to overwhelm so that you can't taste the other flavors but you also want a good spice.  If you want it spicier, add more crushed red pepper (or another jalapeno or Brazilian Rainbow peppers if you happen to have a plant laying around).  At this point, the chili should still be somewhat thin.  
6  Uncover chili and cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally.  After about an hour, the chili should thicken up.  When the chili is at desired thickness, leave uncovered and reduce heat to low.
7  When you're ready to eat, which seeing as your house will smell delicious, is probably almost immediately, serve up topped with some cheese and a side of corn bread!  Oh and some beer and football...