Someone Grab The Wok and Let's Get Asian

So it's time to play some catch up here.  I find it more than mildly impressive that we haven't consulted the soy sauce, grabbed the wok and got a little Asian yet.  Chinese food (the fake kind you order post 2 am on Saturdays) is quite possibly one of the most puzzling things on earth.  Let's reflect on their business plan:

Let's open a restaurant.  We'll make food to represent an entire culture but, let's cook absolutely nothing that anyone in that entire culture actually eats.  Then, let's cook it in kegs of fatty oil, make it available until 3 in the morning, and make it insanely addictive.  We need to make sure that indulging in this more than delicious and addictive category of food totally rapes your insides, leaving you filled with regret and feeling like shit directly following consumption.  And to top all that off, let's insert language barrier... [here].

Fantastic.
Well here's my business plan: let's make it at home, cook it in lean oil, prepare it fresh and avoid the stressful and awkward phone call during which you try to express which terribly fatty food you'd like to be brought to you in twenty minutes.  I think I'm on to something here...

So let's squint a little bit [because it's bright in here, don't be ridiculous] and get down to business.


Scallion Pancakes
what we need...
2 cups flour (plus more for dusting)
1 bundle scallions/ green onions
1 cup boiling water
Vegetable oil for  frying [plus more for spreading]
Salt


what we need to do...
[omg it's so complicated and I'm not looking forward to this]
1  In a large mixing bowl, slowly combine the flour with the boiling water until a sticky dough forms.  When  it's cool enough, combine with your hands, and kneed dough on a clean surface.  Return to mixing bowl, cover with a wet paper towel and refrigerate for 30 minutes.  
2  After thirty minutes have past, dice scallions.  Remove dough from the refrigerator and chop into four pieces.  Roll out each individual piece one at a time on a lightly floured surface.  Spread a small amount of vegetable oil over the dough, sprinkle with salt and add some of the scallions. 
3  Roll the dough into a cigar, curl around, and then re-roll out until flat again.  Okay I suck at explaining this so look at the pictures instead.

4  Repeat until all portions are ready for frying.  Heat about 2 cups of vegetable oil in a deep pan over medium high heat.  Once oil is hot, carefully place a pancake in and fry, turning at least once, until the pancake is dark golden brown.  Strain on paper towel, cut into fourths, and eat!!!

and for the fried rice:
what we need...
1 cup dry white rice
2 cloves garlic, dices
A handful of scallions
2 eggs
Dash of milk (for scrambling the eggs)
1 red pepper, chopped finely
1 yellow pepper, chopped finely
Broccoli 
1 cup [more or less to desired amount] teriyaki sauce (I used Yaki-Teriyaki Island Teriyaki Sauce)
Dash of soy sauce
Olive oil
Salt and Pepper to taste


what we need to do...
1  Prepare rice following directions on the back of the box.  Set aside.  Additionally, prepare the eggs as you would scrambled eggs and set aside.
2  In a wok, yup I said wok, or a big pan if you're lame, heat the oil, garlic and scallions over medium high heat.  Once garlic is sizzling, add the other vegetables and teriyaki sauce and cook, covered for about three minutes.  Add rice and eggs, a dash of soy sauce, salt and pepper and toss continuously until cooked to desired level of "fried-ness".

Yeah Chinese food!  
By the way, that dipping sauce is soy sauce, scallions, pepper, sugar, and ground ginger.  Play around and see if you can get a combination you like!